


What Sober Couldn't Say

by Elizlyn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Sad Ending, Songfic, Where are the tissues?, hurt fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 09:13:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8483740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elizlyn/pseuds/Elizlyn
Summary: Dean & you fight.Feelings & hurt feelings.All angst, no smut this time.Inspired by its name sake. What Sober Couldn't Say, by Halestorm





	

Another fight with Dean, big surprise. Close quarters were so not helping, you were never alone. Even with how large the bunker is someone always seems to be in your line of sight. Dean wouldn't let you leave the bunker without someone with you at all times. He was dominant & controlling in the bedroom too, but that was side of him you couldn't get enough of. All you'd wanted to do was go to the store, alone for a change. This had started yet another huge fight, where Dean had deemed you were not to leave the bunker under any circumstances. You were done, all you wanted was some time alone. You had to get out of there before you were smothered to death.  
You barricaded yourself in your room with one of Dean's bottles of whiskey, drinking yourself into a stupor. Drunkenly you'd decided you made the right decision, you were just going to pack up & go. If he wanted to follow you so be it, but he was not going to control you anymore. You dug into the bottom of your closet finding your old duffle bag. Holding it in your hands while remembering the day Dean asked you to move in. He was so passionate back then, you couldn't keep your hands off each other. You tossed it on the bed & just started throwing things in, not really paying attention to what you were doing. Taking another shot of whiskey, feeling it burn down your throat you rummaged through drawers & packed what you knew was yours.   
In your bedside table you found old pictures with everyone smiling at the camera. Dean holding you tightly. Laughing with Chuck as he explained the purpose of mosquitos. Shooting in the range with Sam. You & Charlie, God you missed her so much. You, Sam & Kevin, he was such a good kid. You found a picture of when you convinced Castiel to dress up for Halloween, he'd never done it before & to you that was practically a crime. You all looked so happy. You put the photos back in the envelope & slipped them into the side pocket of your bag so they didn't get crumpled.  
You took one last look at the room, glancing at everything you were leaving behind. You downed the last of the bottle & swung your bag over your shoulder. You moved the dresser away from the door, took a deep breath, & opened it. You strode confidently toward the war room, your bag heavy on your shoulder.  
"Where do you think you're going?"  
You turned to see Dean in the library door way, leaning against the awning.  
"Up those stairs & out that door. That's all you need to know."  
"Is that so?" He had a smug little smirk that made you want to hurt him.  
"Goodbye Dean." You turned to leave.  
"Where are you going?"  
"Away from you." Ok, so you wanted to hurt him a little. You couldn't help but be honest when you were drunk.  
"What the fuck (y/n)? Why are you being like this?"  
"You can't run my life Dean, I love you, but I can't do this anymore!" After all these years, you never told him you loved him before. You were just as emotionally constipated as he was.  
"I don't run your life." He scoffs.  
"I can't leave the bunker, I can't even go to the store by myself. You read my text messages! You insisted I learn to fight & shoot but won't bring me on a case. Do I need to keep going because I can go on for days."  
"I had a good reason for reading your messages, you were keeping things from me!"  
"I was talking to your mother! About you! I know she wasn't there for a lot of your life but I was hoping for a few insights on how to talk to you. About... All this!"  
"What can't you talk to me about?"  
"We never really talk Dean! We fuck, we cuddle on occasion, we barely sleep next to each other, I wake up in the middle of the night alone... Every night."  
"I can fix that, easily."  
"You act like you care for me, like you want me here. But only when you mess up. The rest of the time..." You looked away from him, you needed the courage to say it. If you had to look at him, he'd just win you over again. "I'm sick of crying over you Dean, tired of trying."  
"You're breaking up with me? Is that what this is?" He grabs your pack off your shoulder & flings it into the library. "You can't just tell me you love me & then run off."  
"Fine keep the stuff, I don't need it." You turn & run toward the stairs, if you made it out the door everything would be ok.  
"Everyone leaves, or dies. You told me you wouldn't be one of them."  
"That was before you turned into my warden! I'm your prisoner Dean, certainly not your girlfriend mister 'we don't have to put a label on it.'" You did your best Dean impression & he squinted his eyes at you. "I've been doing time in this bunker for seven years! I just wanted to be alone for a few hours, I had to barricade myself in my room!"  
"You wouldn't let me in."   
"Do you honestly think you're helping? You only know how to make things worse."  
He could only stare at you, you saw his anger flaring. But he didn't say anything, his lips in a tight line, jaw set hard.  
"Honestly Dean you smother me, I'm drowning. I need to breathe, I need to get out of here." You were running for the exit again.  
"Fine! Go!" He stomps over to your bag & tosses it at you. "Take your shit with you!"  
You stumble as your bag hits your hip. You then turn around & grab it from the floor by your feet. "Fuck you Dean!"  
"Here!" He struggles into his pocket. "Take this with you! I don't want it!" He hands you a plain gold band with a small diamond.  
You looked down at your palm where he forced it into your hand. "I don't understand..."  
"I was going to give that to you, but it's clear now what your answer would have been."  
"You can't possibly be serious. You won't even share a room with me!"  
"I'm willing to change things, for you."  
"You don't love me." Ugly drunken crying. Keeping it together when you're waisted, not exactly your specialty.  
"Don't put words in my mouth."  
"You can't even say it!"  
"I can prove it."  
"I can't go on like this anymore, I'm sorry Dean." You gave the ring back to him & trudged up the stairs with your duffle. Before you closed the doors you thought you heard him say.  
"I'm sorry too."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

A month later you found yourself in a somewhat normal life. You were working in a coffee shop in Soux Falls, living in a tiny one bedroom apartment. You didn't really have the desire to go to far, it's the only place you knew well. You grew up here.  
You were working you usual shift, serving the same people when you saw a far to familiar face. Those beautiful green eyes staring into your very soul.  
"Heya (y/n)."  
"What are you doing here Dean?"  
"I need you to come home."  
"You don't need me, you need to be in control."  
"I know you're angry with me, just give me a chance."  
"To do what? Drag me back to your cave, lock me up & not let me leave again."  
"I-I love you. I want you to come home."  
"To little to late Winchester, get out." You were pointing at the door, doing your best to not cry.  
"(Y/n), please."  
You took off your apron & stormed off to the back store room. Both Dean & the owner yelling after you. You grabbed your purse & made it out the back door, you needed to take the shortcut home before Dean got there. You never drove to work, it was close enough to walk. You knew you wouldn't be able to escape completely but you could at least get a head start.  
When you'd gotten home you ran up the apartment stairs, fishing your keys out of your bag once you'd gotten to your floor. Keys in hand, you ran to your door. Fumbling with the keys you unlocked the deadbolt & slammed the door behind you. You locked the doors & went to go check the window in the living room. Seeing a dark figure sitting in your favorite chair you swallowed the scream wanting to burst through your throat.  
"God damn it Dean!"  
"Why did you run from me?"  
"Get out of my apartment you asshole!"  
"Not until you hear me out. If you still want me to go I will."  
"I can't believe I ever fell in love with your stupid ass. Get out!"  
"Do you? Do you still love me?"  
"Seriously what is your problem? Why are you so fixated on torturing me?"  
"Damn it! You are my problem! Look, there is something between us. I-I don't want to lose you."  
"Already lost me! You pushed me away to any times, how are you so shocked that you pushed me right out the door!?"  
"I was scared! Ok!" Shocked you blinked at him dumbly as he strode up closer to you. "I couldn't shake the feeling that if I stayed to close to you I was going to get you killed."  
"You used me, you can't expect me to run into your arms or something."  
"I-I don't expect anything damn it! What do I have to do to get you to listen to me?!"  
"Tell the truth, for once just be honest with me."  
"You want honesty?! I've never lied to you (y/n)! Never!"  
"Bullshit! Tell me again what happened with you & Amara. Tell me how you bravely resisted her advances." You were being dramatic, you'd be the first to admit it. But you were to mad to care.  
"That... That was different, she had some kind of hold on me."  
"You're a dirty lying cheater."  
"She kissed me, is that what you wanted to hear?"  
"Don't think I don't know about the Qareen last Valentine's Day. That whole kiss of death thing with your hearts desire. It wasn't me who came to kill you, it was her."  
"I was not in love with her, it was the mark of cain's lingering bond."  
"Prove it!"  
"Hot sauce."  
"Hot sauce? How in the..."  
"Just listen to me... Sammy & I went for burritos, you were sitting at the next table in that dress with the little yellow flowers. I hid the hot sauce under the table so I could ask if we could share your bottle. Your smile was so beautiful I couldn't help but stay & talk to you just a little more. I followed you into the parking lot before you could get into that old crappy blue Toyota you used to drive & I asked you for your number but I didn't call you for four days. Not because I was on a case, not because I was playing some kind of game. But because I was to chicken to pick up the damn phone. What would you want with someone like me?" He rubbed his hand over his face, his gaze dropping to your feet. "I don't deserve you, I know that. But I know if you let me, we could be so happy baby. I love you so much."  
"After everything you've put me through you think just because you can remember how we met..."  
"I know I've done things. Horrible things. If you could just give me a second chance, I promise you, it will be different this time." He was pleading with you, begging, he'd never begged you for anything. "I missed you, please (y/n). Please come home."  
"You've had your second chance... After all these years, every fight, every time you'd treat me like you want me then act like nothing happened the next day. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?!" If it were possible you were getting louder every second. "You'd be so sweet, so passionate. Press all the buttons you know I can't resist, make me feel like you ever gave a shit. Tell me sweet things, know all the places that make me scream for you. Then bail as fast as you can, you barely even look at me the next day. I am not one of your bar sluts!"  
"I know you aren't, I would never..."  
"I can smell them on you when you go for long drives, they all seem to wear the same cheap perfume with some sort of candy flavored lip gloss."  
That hit him hard, he didn't know that you knew. "I'll stop, I won't even go to bars anymore."  
"I looked past it, I think I just didn't want to loose you. I thought if I asked you to be with just me, you'd tell me to go. That used to scare the hell out of me."  
"I don't need anybody else (y/n), I'm so sorry I couldn't figure that out sooner."  
"No."  
"(Y/n), please."  
"No. You should go."  
He didn't say anything else, he was crying when he walked out your front door. He looked back to you & you tried to memorize his face, for all you knew you'd never see him again.  
A few weeks later a man robbed the coffee shop you worked in, you complied & gave him what he wanted but he shot you anyway. Dean never forgave himself for not just dragging you back to the safety of the bunker before anything happened to you. He doesn't hunt anymore, he doesn't got to bars anymore. He's completely devoted to you. Every day he sits on your grave just talking to you for hours, drinking until he blacks out & wakes up on the soft earth in front of your headstone. Knowing you never forgave him, but he would always love you.


End file.
